The Hydroslide (by Jake, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Jake on his first draft?

A black hole. The water is vanishing. I'm going in.

"I can't see!"

I twirl around. Water is splashing in my face as I twist and turn. Some goes in my mouth and it tastes of chemicals. The water is moving really fast and I feel sick, but it's still awesome.

A wave is getting close and.....splash! I'm rushing down with the water. My teeth are chattering, my knuckles are white, as the wild water twists me up the sides. I burst out of the hole, exploding and the water backflips me.

It's REALLY fun!