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From Mrs Marshall & Room 14

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Worries (by Zac, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Zac on his writing so far?

One day I went to Stewart Island. If you are interested in this part of New Zealand, have a read of this story. 

It all started when Mia, Emma, Hiko, Karina, Orla, dad and I were at the Invercargill building before planes. When I had about 13 chips and three sips of fruit juice, a man came in. He was our pilot. After we had a five minute chat, he led us to the plane.

When it was time to get in, I got in first. Next Orla, Mia, Hiko and Emma, then came in dad. In the front it was the pilot. The pilot said the flight will be 45 minutes. 

That’s when I started to worry.
Sitting, worried with no seats. The worries were, would I fall? Or crash head first? We flew through fogs, mountains and the peaceful sky. When about 45 minutes had passed, we turned a little. Two minutes later we landed.

Then there was a time where there were no seat belts, I went "WOW!" Stewart Island was so much like a garden! I could smell the salty sea. I could hear the mini engines buzzing. I could feel the soft plane seat. I could taste the fresh air and I could see the beautiful background. There was still one worry. Would I crash head first? I wouldn’t fall, because this wasn’t in the air. But would I crash head first?

No I didn’t. At the end I just got out with no worries. In fact, I didn’t have to worry at all. 

Thursday, 20 September 2012

This Morning (by Hadlee, age 7)

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This morning, I looked out the window. It was snowing and raining. I was dumbstruck!

The rain was drip-dropping, the snow was like little white flakes and the hail was like rice bubbles popping!

St Patrick's Family Camp (by Sean, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Sean on his piece of writing?

On Saturday, I went to St Patrick's family camp. 

We had a red and blue tent beside the cold stream. I had yummy hot chocolatey milo before I went to bed.  

The toast and vegemite for breakfast was delicious. We made a boat with straws and tape. We made the boat float in the stream.

Skyping Gran (by Sean, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Sean on this piece of writing?

At Lucy’s party, I’m going to be Mickey Mouse. My mum’s going to be Donald Duck. Matthew is going to be Batman. Katie is going to be Cat Woman. Dad’s going to be Superman.

We skyped Gran on Monday night, on the computer. We told Gran about Lucy’s Dress-up Party. Gran said she wants to be a princess! We all laughed about Gran being a princess.

Gran can’t hear at all, so I wrote her a note that said,
“I love you, Gran.”

Gran felt happy.

Learning Time (by Taine, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Taine on his writing so far?

In a quiet Maths time, I challenged myself to an incredible question. I said to myself, "How do I make 327?"

I had materials with high numbers adding up to 327, and I also had tens frames with counters, beads and so I thought, "I know what materials to add to make 327!"  

When I had figured it out, I looked at my hand. It was as inky as the whiteboard marker! After that I felt so happy, and I moved onto the next activity on the laptops.

The last thing left to complete was the Literacy Station. I said to my group, "What game shall we get?" Noah looked at Maia. Maia looked at Ella, Ella looked at Taylor, Taylor looked at Grace, then everyone looked at Sean. 

Sean picked the game. It was called "Making and Breaking". You have a board and there is a big pile of sound cards in the middle. You take turns picking up the cards. Some of the cards have vowel sounds and some cards have the other sounds. You have to put the cards together to make words that make sense.

My First Time at Jujitsu (by Lewis B, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Lewis B on his writing so far?

This is the first time. 

My Mum drove and I was so bored as we were trying to find the place.

Now we are here, on the couch, avoiding the play area. My mum is just here to watch, and the teachers will check on the Jujitsu kids. 

"Now we are playing 'Stay on the Land'. We all need to be careful!" says the teacher.

I don't want to get munched and crunched!

I get on the mats and try this for the first time.  I'm enjoying it, but those children are just too loud! This is my chance to get them. I go on the mattress and knock them off.

"Now, this is easy," says one of the other players. 

When it's the end, and it's time to go home, we have to handshake, then we get back in the car to go home.

Bungy Jumping at the Fair (by Gracie, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Gracie on her draft so far?

One day, Mum, Dad and I went to the fair. When we got there, I saw the mini bungy jumps, and my legs thundered over to them. 

I said, "Mum? Dad? Can I go on the bungy jumps?"

"Ok," they said, "But just one turn."

I got ready and hopped onto the trampoline. I saw the people around me doing flips and somersaults. They looked like they had done this before, but it was my first time. I could feel myself wanting to be like those people, but I had never seen anything like this before. 

Next, I could feel the rubbery trampoline gripping onto my feet. Then I felt myself in the air. Like a bird in the sky. But then I started to wobble and I couldn't stop! 

"Mum! Dad! What's happening to me?!"

The person who ran the bungy jump saw me wobbling and asked if I wanted to keep going.

"I'd like to hop off," I said. 

I felt frustrated that I had to hop off. I had really wanted to keep on going. 

I'll have a go NEXT year....

The Diving Board (by Bronson, age 7)

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Come on Bronson!

People were jumping off super-fast, but my mouth tasted dry.  Water echoed in my ears. My toes tingled on the prickly board.

I could see another person jump, and he did a back flip! I felt jealous because he did it and I didn't. I said to myself "Jump, Bronson! You can do it!"

Then it was silent.

"My turn," said someone.

I smiled and said, "No it's not. It's MY turn", as my feet went off the board and my body felt the air rushing past. 

The Bike Ride (by Taya, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Taya on her writing so far?

Smelling bark off trees as I rode along, with dirt under my wheels. Cold winds whistled through my ears. My sister's voice saying "You can do it!"

I try my very best. Breathing in fresh air as I go by. I feel so proud of myself as I blast off into the woods. 

Going in a Donut (by Shamus, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Shamus on his first draft?

The lifejackets and a pink and black donut sparkled in my eyes. Waves crashed into the rocks and the boat's motor rumbled in my ears. The smell of petrol was rotten in my nose.

As I walked onto the donut, people smashed and crashed into the edge. I shook as I hopped on the donut.

The boat started up and then crash. My Mum patched me up then helped me get back on again, but I could see a big rock right ahead of me as I jumped onto the donut.  

Then my legs raced to the car.

"Did you have a good time?" asked Mum.

"No," I said.

My First Time on the Diving Board (by Bailey, age 7)

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Come on, Bailey, you can do it!

My teeth chatter as I look into the water far below me. I don't think I can.

I take one step further, and I can see other people pouncing off into the water like dolphins. Everybody is waiting for me to dive, so I start to bounce.

I'm shaking, but I jump. I'm above the sparkly clear water, then my feet touch it. I swallow water, and my mouth is full of the taste of salty chlorine.

I am so cold, but proud and happy that I did it. I thought I was too scared to ever do it.

On the Diving Board (by Brenna, age 7)

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Come on, Brenna! You can do it!

Waves crashing on the water, people hitting it with their feet as they jump in.

I don't want to do it!

As my feet feel the board, I bend to touch it. My toes squeeze onto the board like sponge. I'm about to faint and my tummy hurts with prickliness. 

I think I'm going to die!

I see people, like skittles, falling and jumping off, not feeling the same as me at all.

So I go to the end and....I jump! Splash! 

That wasn't so hard after all!

My First Time on the Hydroslide (by Peta, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Peta on her finished piece of writing?

I watch the water go round corners and on the roof. I feel alarmed. Am I going to do it? The screams of children echo in the tunnel, their footsteps running up the ramp thunder all around me.

Come on! You can do it!  a voice behind me says, but I say to myself, "I CAN'T do it".

Suddenly, I change my mind. I look at the water. I look at the slide.

"Right," I say, "This is it. I can do this!" and off I fly.

I Love.... (by Grace, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Grace on her first draft?

I love when my dog comes and sleeps with me,
But I don't like when I get scratches.

I love when I get treats,
But I don't like those square lollies.

I love when I get KFC,
But I don't like when Dad cooks tea.

I love when all my family are at our house
But I don't like when they all go away.

I love when I hear purring from my cat, Tosh.
But I don't like that he's madly insane!

My First Time on the Hydroslide (by Taylor, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Taylor on her first draft?

My toes were shaking hard. I heard my stepdad counting loudly.

3, 2, 1, go!

Splash! Suddenly we went.

"Help!" I yelled, as I zoomed across the colours of the hydroslide.

My tastebuds tasted chlorine air. The smell was very strong, too. My heart was beating fast. I thought I was going to drown. I was terrified, but I had to keep going.

When I flew out of the hydroslide, I splashed into the pool at the end. I was proud of myself....and it was quite fun.

The Hydroslide (by Jake, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Jake on his first draft?

A black hole. The water is vanishing. I'm going in.

"I can't see!"

I twirl around. Water is splashing in my face as I twist and turn. Some goes in my mouth and it tastes of chemicals. The water is moving really fast and I feel sick, but it's still awesome.

A wave is getting close and.....splash! I'm rushing down with the water. My teeth are chattering, my knuckles are white, as the wild water twists me up the sides. I burst out of the hole, exploding and the water backflips me.

It's REALLY fun!

Part 1: Leaving Holland (by Jilles, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Jilles on his first draft?

One lunch time in Holland, my dad said, "Jilles, we want to live to New Zealand". When I heard that, my eyes were raining on my face and my legs moved from one side to the other.

My mum said to me, "But it's a secret."
"But, Mum, I want to tell everybody!" I said. "Mum, are my friends coming with us?"
"No," said my dad.

Two months later, a fast truck came driving down the street. Dud!  The truck stopped in front of our house and four men came out of it. The large door at the back opened.
"Let's take a look at your house," said the men.

The furniture went in the truck and my brother and I played on the movers' trolley until it was time for that to go in the truck too. All of our clothes went in, too.

We had to stay with our cousins for two days, then my uncle came to drop us off at the airport. Out of the car window, cars, people, planes and a gigantic building that is nearly halfway to the clouds. An hour later, the rest of my family and friends who we did not expect, came to see us...but then we had to step in the plane. the door closed. The plane moved to the runway...

To be Continued

Going to the Teachers' Printer for the First Time (by Ryan, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Ryan on his first draft?

When I went to the printer, I stopped and was trying to be brave. I was thinking to myself, “No I’m NOT going down there”.

I saw children learning downstairs, and making lots of noise! I was shaking and staying where I was because I didn't want to go down there. 

Then Mrs Marshall gave me directions, and Hunter said, "Remember last year's class, Ryan? It's just near our old classroom".

Then I started to move again. 

My First Bike Ride (by Sarah, age 7)

Do you have any feedback for Sarah on her finished piece of writing?

“You can do it!” I hear as the grass swishes. The wind is blowing so hard and everyone is crowding around me. My mum and dad say, “You can do it, Sarah!”

All my brothers are whistling. I am thinking, Should I do it or should I not?

The wind blows hard at me, making my mouth water so fast. My fingers are frozen and I begin to shake. I wobble…and then my arm hits the hard, bumpy ground and starts to bleed. Tears cover my face.