In Room 14 lately, we've been starting to really think about writing in a way that grabs our audience’s attention. We are
learning to choose words and sentences to help us paint pictures with
words. That way, the audience will feel like they were actually there!
We are experimenting with writing story beginnings that have real audience impact. So far, we've tried out a couple of writer strategies…..
(1) Using WOW (descriptive) Words that focus on what our senses
experience can help our audience feel like they were actually there. Like this:
Sizzle!
Pop! went the burning sausages
and delicious smelling burgers. My teeth sunk into the best burger of all… Bronson (age 6)
Arrh! The crowd went crazy, blowing off my
ears! The hot, salty chips burned my mouth, making me eat more, more, more. Brenna (age 6)
The sweet smell of cupcakes filled my mind
as I watched people bowling. I felt the weight of the ball as I carried it. I
heard it rumbling across the floor, sounding like an earthquake.…. Jack (age 6)
(2)
Also, using different sentence lengths (some shorter, some longer) can help us create impact with our words. Here are a couple of examples:
The damp and dirty clothes smell crawled into my nose. It smelt old. Very, very old.
Gracie (age 6)
You won’t believe what I saw with my eyes!
There were midget aliens. Nobody can see them. Just me. That’s my secret.
Bronson (age 6)
Bronson, I particularly like the way you wrote:
ReplyDelete"Nobody can see them. Just me. That's my secret".
I like it because I feel like you are sharing a part of you - you're using your "writer's voice". Those short sentences are very effective. I can't wait to read the rest of your story, when you write it!
From Mrs Marshall :0)
Wow Room 14, I am really impressed by the quality of the writing you are doing. Your work with descriptive writing and varying lengths of sentences is very powerful. Keep up the wonderful work. I look forward to reading some of your work in its entirety (what does that word mean?) in due course.
ReplyDeleteMr Newton
Hello Room 14!
ReplyDeleteI have been trying to get onto our blog for a couple of weeks from home but I couldn't :( BUT Mrs Marshall kindly sent me the link so now I can see all the cool things on it! Great to see the use of onomatopoeia in your writing, very effective indeed. The photos of Beach Ed look very fun, I wish I could of been there.
Miss Gaul :)
Dear Gracie,
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you said it smelt old Very Very old. I liked how you used your senses.
From Sarah
Dear Jack I like how you writed the smell of cupcakes flled my mind. I wish I was there from your best frined Bronson.
ReplyDeleteHello Brenna you grabbed me away on your story! from Ella
ReplyDeleteJack! Bronson! your story really garbd me! Bronson! I really liked the way you said, sizzle!pop! Jack! i really liked the way you said souding like an eathqack! From Brenna!
ReplyDeleteWow Bronson! You have a very intristing story. From your pal Jack.
ReplyDeleteI likeed the way that you rot your sentences becaus eit had a lot of expression Bronson. From Taine
ReplyDeleteJack did those capcakes taest yum.fromlewis
ReplyDeleteDear Jack it sounds like a great story.I think the bit about the cup cakes has expression.
ReplyDeletefrom Bailey
Dear Bronson I like how you grabbed your audience attention. From Maia
ReplyDeleteWow! Bronson I realy liked the way you said your starting it realy bloed me away.
ReplyDeletefrom Peta
Dear Jack I like how you said earthquake in your story because a bowling ball is really heavy and does make a loud noise. From Shamus
ReplyDeleteDear Bronson I realy like how you said shhhhh this is my secret.That was rely cool.From taylor
ReplyDeleteDear brenna your story was great. I liked how you used Wow words . from Gracie.
ReplyDeleteDear Bronson
ReplyDeleteI like the way you used thats my secret. from erica.
Wow Jack I love your story. I liked what words you used
ReplyDeletefrom Zac
Dear Gracie,
ReplyDeleteI like how you said It crawled into my nose.
From Taya