On our blog, we'll be tracking our learning journey throughout 2013. Please join in and help us by providing feedback and comments. We'd love to hear from you!
From Mrs Marshall & Room 14

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Grabbing our Audience's Attention


In Room 14 lately, we've been starting to really think about writing in a way that grabs our audience’s attention. We are learning to choose words and sentences to help us paint pictures with words. That way, the audience will feel like they were actually there!

We are experimenting with writing story beginnings that have real audience impact. So far, we've tried out a couple of writer strategies…..

(1) Using WOW (descriptive) Words that focus on what our senses experience can help our audience feel like they were actually there. Like this:

Sizzle! Pop! went the burning sausages and delicious smelling burgers. My teeth sunk into the best burger of all…                                                                            Bronson (age 6)

Arrh! The crowd went crazy, blowing off my ears! The hot, salty chips burned my mouth, making me eat more, more, more.                                                             Brenna (age 6)

The sweet smell of cupcakes filled my mind as I watched people bowling. I felt the weight of the ball as I carried it. I heard it rumbling across the floor, sounding like an earthquake.….                                                                                              Jack (age 6)


(2) Also, using different sentence lengths (some shorter, some longer) can help us create impact with our words. Here are a couple of examples:

The damp and dirty clothes smell crawled into my nose. It smelt old. Very, very old.                   
Gracie (age 6)

You won’t believe what I saw with my eyes! There were midget aliens. Nobody can see them. Just me. That’s my secret.
Bronson (age 6)

YOU are our audience! Do you have any feedback for us? How are we doing? WHAT do you like and WHY?

19 comments:

  1. Bronson, I particularly like the way you wrote:

    "Nobody can see them. Just me. That's my secret".

    I like it because I feel like you are sharing a part of you - you're using your "writer's voice". Those short sentences are very effective. I can't wait to read the rest of your story, when you write it!

    From Mrs Marshall :0)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow Room 14, I am really impressed by the quality of the writing you are doing. Your work with descriptive writing and varying lengths of sentences is very powerful. Keep up the wonderful work. I look forward to reading some of your work in its entirety (what does that word mean?) in due course.

    Mr Newton

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello Room 14!

    I have been trying to get onto our blog for a couple of weeks from home but I couldn't :( BUT Mrs Marshall kindly sent me the link so now I can see all the cool things on it! Great to see the use of onomatopoeia in your writing, very effective indeed. The photos of Beach Ed look very fun, I wish I could of been there.

    Miss Gaul :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Gracie,

    I really liked how you said it smelt old Very Very old. I liked how you used your senses.

    From Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dear Jack I like how you writed the smell of cupcakes flled my mind. I wish I was there from your best frined Bronson.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hello Brenna you grabbed me away on your story! from Ella

    ReplyDelete
  7. Jack! Bronson! your story really garbd me! Bronson! I really liked the way you said, sizzle!pop! Jack! i really liked the way you said souding like an eathqack! From Brenna!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow Bronson! You have a very intristing story. From your pal Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I likeed the way that you rot your sentences becaus eit had a lot of expression Bronson. From Taine

    ReplyDelete
  10. Jack did those capcakes taest yum.fromlewis

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dear Jack it sounds like a great story.I think the bit about the cup cakes has expression.
    from Bailey

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear Bronson I like how you grabbed your audience attention. From Maia

    ReplyDelete
  13. Wow! Bronson I realy liked the way you said your starting it realy bloed me away.
    from Peta

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dear Jack I like how you said earthquake in your story because a bowling ball is really heavy and does make a loud noise. From Shamus

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dear Bronson I realy like how you said shhhhh this is my secret.That was rely cool.From taylor

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dear brenna your story was great. I liked how you used Wow words . from Gracie.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Dear Bronson

    I like the way you used thats my secret. from erica.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Wow Jack I love your story. I liked what words you used
    from Zac

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dear Gracie,
    I like how you said It crawled into my nose.

    From Taya

    ReplyDelete